Are you aware of how low control we, as women, relinquish in relationships? How are these dynamics at work? Why is it that lack of control rears its ugly head again and again in new relationships? And what can you do to be in control of your relationship?
The following article is about control avoidance and Retention Theory, by Steve Harvey and others; it explains the dynamics of control in a relationship. Please note that this article is intended to specifically address problems regarding control issues and its role in creating a counterproductive cycle.
Harvey’s theory explains that those most in control of a relationship are usually least responsible for it’s success, and those least responsible for a declining relationship-adjusted control are usually least capable of change. So, obviously, those least able to change will be left alone.
Harvey states that those who presently hold the most control, or have the greatest Available power will be unlikely to relinquish this holding; hence, the most compliant to change will also hold least control in the relationship. These least capable persons, in a relationship, are those most likely to be divorced or go their own way. Those who have the greatest Available power, or who are least able to hold their own, will be capable of change.
This theory of control is most clearly seen when a single man or woman, looking for a committed relationship, starts gradually but significantly changing the introductory phases of a relationship with a significant other. Assuming the potential couple has not been married previously and they are pretending to be getting on with one another.
Should the couple decide later on to have a more committed relationship, the less capable partner will absolutely not be able to make the relationship work; it’s too much of a challenge to say the least. Therefore, the more controlling partner must be willing or able, but willing, to tolerate the potential loss of control. Ironically, that same partner who was once in control is now loses his or her hold on the relationship.
How do you stay in control in a relationship?
Begin by believing you are important, by feeling deserving of love and respect. Then do the following:
a. Allow nothing or no one to take control of you.
b. Demand that your partner place you in charge of your life.
c. If you are in a relationship where you are supposed to be the one in charge, stay in charge!
d. Refuse to be manipulated by a person, whose conscience you already know has control over you.
e. Take courageous action to gain control over decision making, whether that decision is about briefly leaving to attend a party, or about whether to see a film or go to generally anything related to control.
f. Allow no one to treat you as a doormat.
The best advice, in a relationship of any size, to anyone facing the loss of control is to ALWAYS insist that the other person gain it from you; and follow through by holding them to it. Holding them to it is the equivalent of telling them, “The way you are behaving, I will either treat you poorly, or even disown you, depending on how you treat me.” If you don’t insist on your rights and your rights, someone else WILL take them away from you, usually in a day or less Platform Phoenix Сompany.
I strongly challenge you toraveway in your relationship!
